Buncha hoodoo voodoo nonsense.

25Jan10

I’ve taken to using horoscopes (I know!) as writing material.  Here’s one of mine for today:

Are you feeling cheerful? You should be. Things are trundling along about as well as they can be expected to. We can’t (and won’t) deny the existence of certain tricky problems. We shall (and must) give due deference to the enormity of the discovery you are starting to make. We have to (and will) allow a little justified anxiety about this. But then, nothing ventured… nothing gained. You are venturing a lot more than nothing now. In the long run, it’s going to give you back an awful lot more than just a ‘little something’.  —from Jonathan Cainer, who looks suspiciously like Billy Joel.

First of all, you gotta like a horoscope written by Billy Joel and featuring Garth Brooks lyrics (yes, I know ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’ is a well-known idiom, but the first thing I think is, “Sometimes you got to GO AGAINST THE GRAAA-AAA-AAAINN!”).  I also like when a person uses verbs like ‘trundling,’ and when people ask me if I am feeling cheerful.  The answer to that question is most always YES!  Have you noticed?  Anyway, while I fully realize I could find useful truths in ANY of the damn horoscopes B. Joel put up today, I’m going to use this one, because there it is!

Let’s look at it piece by piece:

Are you feeling cheerful? You should be. Things are trundling along about as well as they can be expected to.

Well, this seems relatively accurate.  I’ve come out of a huge mental sinkhole relatively recently, though I feel a bit like I’m still on the upward slope, sorta.  But that’s all sort of unimportant.  I’ve been thinking about the word navel-gazing a lot lately, and one of my former students recently told me how much I remind him of Angela Chase on My So-Called Life, and so all of that is telling me…to stop thinking about myself, basically.  Or at least to stop TALKING about myself and my feelings.  Shut it, is what I’m saying.  Anyway.  I AM cheerful.  Thanks for asking!

We can’t (and won’t) deny the existence of certain tricky problems.

Tricky problems, I’ve had a few, but they’re too few to mention (I…can’t stop crooning in this post?).  No.  Anyway, this could refer to a few things.  “Tricky,” however, doesn’t really seem to sum up the problem I’m currently having with my professional life–namely that I’m not drawing any meaning from it beyond the fun I have with the kids and the love I have for the literature–“ponderous” or “ominous” or at least “foreboding” seem like better adjectives.  It foretells bad things, this lack of passion, as I am not yet finished with three years of teaching!  Anyway, I’m not ignoring that.  I’m also not ignoring that there are sort of weird things going on with several of my friendships right now.  Some of them I’ve been working on, or trying to work on, anyway, and some, not so much.  For instance: One should probably see one’s friends from time to time!  Well.  I’m not oblivious to that either, thanks!

We shall (and must) give due deference to the enormity of the discovery you are starting to make.

What is this discovery of which you speak?  Is it about the navel-gazing?  Is it about how I need to be less introspective if I’d like to be less of a self-absorbed prick?  IS THAT IT.  I’m going to chew pensively on my thumbnail as I ponder that one.  Endlessly.

But seriously, I am starting to make a DISCOVERY!  Isn’t that exciting?

We have to (and will) allow a little justified anxiety about this.

Update: Apparently I shouldn’t be *just* excited, but also ANXIOUS about this discovery.  Uh oh.  I do anxiety exceedingly well!  Do not tell me to be anxious!  Or, worse, that some anxiety on my part might be JUSTIFIED!

And now I shall pause to eat a burrito.

There is a smooth spot worn on my spacebar!  This makes me feel either really industrious or really old.  Maybe both.  Carry on:

But then, nothing ventured… nothing gained. You are venturing a lot more than nothing now. In the long run, it’s going to give you back an awful lot more than just a ‘little something’.

Well, I just don’t know WHAT this is about.  What have I ventured?  I seem to err on the side of way too fucking cautious more often than not.  (Also, I am strongly in favor of putting two cliches in every sentence.)  Maybe, like everything else in my mind, this is simply suggesting that I do a bit more venturing.  I think this is a good idea!  Gamble it up, me!

But how?  What should I venture, and in what manner?

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2 Responses to “Buncha hoodoo voodoo nonsense.”

  1. 1 J

    I’m annoyed by this post. I will leave it, but know: I JUST finished it, and already I am annoyed!

  2. 2 Mavina

    I am annoyed that this cat of mine must sit on my lap and pretend to be sweet and concerned about me when I know deep inside all she is is a flaming bitchcat…most likely wants to spread her hair far and wide over my fairly clean robe, and once again puzzle me as to why she would simotaeously(sp?)purr, bite and lick me with the full potential to hiss and growl at any moment.
    Other than that, I have to say that I don’t know about that Billy Joel. I have not been very attracted to him, and therefore not tending to pay much attention to him. Perhaps it is good that you have taken the opportunity to drag him into your horoscope even though you are not sure that it is him, or someone just pretending to be him. I may have overlooked some redeeming quality of the guy just becase his vcoice and mannerisms annoy me.
    Annoyances are particularly annoying, don’t you think?


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