I’m starting to feel like a serious fail here, people.


So I aborted The Fourteen Things.  Did you notice?  Break is over, and so is time.  Well, no; time technically has not stopped.  But break has.  I had my first day back at school with kids today.  It was…less than stellar.  I’m having serious second thoughts about how I’ve decided to rearrange the semester.  Today, for example, was a bunch of me lecturing, then a bunch of the kids getting onto the new class blog (which is, admittedly, a little AWESOME), and then a bunch of sitting around because I underplanned.  I’m starting to doubt my lit teaching abilities–like, do I even still know how to do it?  I’m not so sure.

Here’s what I worry about: I don’t play sports well because of the messed-up headgame I force myself to endure.  I start strong; I start trying too hard; I start to doubt myself; I choke; I try to be natural again, but find I can’t.  This happens, all of it, in the course of the first few moves of a game.  Applies to: tennis, golf, bowling, skiing, balance in general, and, now that I think of it, the flute as well.

Does this work, like, in slo-mo, for teaching as well?  Am I overthinking this semester?  Should I have left well enough alone?  I honestly don’t know.  I mean, starting with all the postmodernism stuff at the beginning of the semester really hooked the students, even if they didn’t understand it all that well.  Have I made a major fucking mistake by moving that to the middle of the semester (I was trying to contextualize it more so it would be more understandable)?  Survey says maybe.  Hey, let’s put it to a poll!

I suppose the obvious answer is the third one, which I naughtily refused to allow you to choose on the poll: to find a way to make what we cover in the beginning–the stuff that gives context to the more exciting stuff to come–more exciting/engaging.  And intriguing, right?  Yes.  So that’s what I’ll need to be working on.

This feels more like a journal entry than a blog post.  But I’m going to put it up anyway because it’s been too long…


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