Sick Day


For the record, I DO feel sick–to my stomach, in particular–and I AM pretty sure that the 16-hour migraine I had yesterday is going to come back today, and I AM feeling exhausted from plowing through school migraine in tow yesterday.  However, if I’m feeling well enough to do my 200 words this early in the morning, I probably ought to be at school, I guess.  But I am not.  I’m taking a sick day, and planning on completing a ton of grading in between migraines.  I think that’s okay.  I think.

I keep asking doctors (well, I asked A Doctor) whether I ought to be concerned about the flood of migraines of increasing severity that I’ve been facing over the past few months, and everyone (well, that one doctor) seems to agree that it’s not a big deal, but that I *could* see a neurologist if I want some medication for the pain.  For some reason, I had a difficult time communicating that I did not, indeed, want medication; I only wanted to know that I don’t have a tumor.  A Doctor seemed to think that I do not have a tumor.  A Doctor was, however, a gynecologist, so I’m not sure I can trust that particular opinion.

My brain (which I just wrote as brian, which reminded me of “My So-Called Life” in which hideously dumb Jordan Catalano [hideously stupid, but also almost unbearably pretty] kept calling Brian Krackow “Brain” because apparently dyslexia works for the sound of words and not just their spelling?  God, I love “My So-Called Life,” by the way. ) is important to me.  I don’t really want some toothy tumor (teeth and hair!  teeth and hair!) to ravage it.  On the plus side, perhaps it will lend me some superstellar intellectual/creative powers and I can write a novel and, like, solve really hard math problems while working as a janitor at MIT and then probably captain a spaceship to the moon and while I’m there my brain/Brian will sort of self-destruct as I’m peering over the moon’s horizon and looking at the earth and thinking, “The planet earth is blue/and there’s nothing I can do” and then that song will play but it will be a cover, probably by Ben Folds because that would be fitting to my life story which is apparently very difficult to articulate in any form other than a cheesily overdone fake biopic.  But anyway, then my brain will sort of just go, “Bzzzzzzpt!” and that will be the end of the movie because when they drag it on to show all the people declaring what the dead person meant to them and the world then it becomes THEIR story and this story really needs to be about me.  I’m the one with the tumor here, people.  And besides, I want it to be a sort of reader-response-y postmodernesque film in which the themes aren’t presented so totally overtly that the viewer doesn’t get a chance to ponder and become part of the meaning-making process.  Which, I guess, means the movie is really about the viewers and not about me, but that’s okay by me I suppose.  I’m willing to sacrifice at least that much in order to promote my own legacy.

Oh, Jesus, speaking of which, I watched this HORRRRRRRIBLE Corporate Christian movie (from Fox Faith) called “The Ultimate Gift” in which some rich white dude learns the value of hard work and that taxes are bad and that good people don’t have abortions and that millionaire camels who love Jesus have absolutely NO problem squeezing through that needle’s eye and that really, if you’re really, really good, you don’t have to wait for heaven to claim your reward for being Jesus’s homie but can actually make a trazillion bucks here on earth as long as you know that hobos are bad and that brown people who aren’t Christian are savage (and generally have darker skin than the white-dude- and Jesus-loving acceptable brown people) and that people who don’t have jobs are lazy/evil and that everyone worth talking about or to is white and that the only good woman is a helpless mom woman.  I’m not generally a Christian-basher–I think that’s sort of unuseful, really–but I could not STAND this fucking movie.  I was raised Catholic in a town with lots of non-corporate, small churches that did not spout this sort of bullshit.  Other sorts of bullshit, true, but this was like large-scale party-line hateful Corporate Christian bullshit.  Which I simply can’t tolerate.  Why did I watch that movie?  One of my students lent it to me and kept asking if I’d watched it because she said it changed her life.  Holy God, HOW?????  Change back!!!!!

785.  I’m going to go grade now.


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